One man, one goal, one mission,
One heart, one soul, just one solution,
One flash of light, one God, one vision.
One Vision

[At Duncan's loft.]

Methos: Hey, grab a beer. There's a cold one in the fridge.

Duncan: Yeah, I know. It's my fridge. Thought you were out wandering the world.

Methos: Mm, Tibet. Yak butter plays hell with the digestion. Besides, I've had all the enlightenment I could use.

Duncan: Maybe you should have kept it to yourself.

Methos: Sorry, I must have dozed off but what is it we're talking about?

Duncan: All that crock you're feeding Richie.

Methos: Right. And what crock would that be exactly?

Duncan: Oh, you know: Stop fighting, lay down your sword, give peace a chance. Ring a bell?

Methos: Wow. So he's here, is he?

Duncan: Who's here?

Methos: The other Methos.

Duncan: The what?

Methos: I've never actually met the guy, but I've heard rumors. He wanders around the place, spreading his message to other Immortals.

Duncan: Using your name.

Methos: Well, it's not like it's got a patent or anything.

Duncan: Sounds like the guy's started a franchise or something. What about this line about peace and love? What's that all about?

Methos: Well, maybe it's just exactly what he says it is.

Duncan: Turning the other cheek only gets you slapped harder.

Methos: But it's got such a nice ring to it. Yeah, no more fighting, no more killing. Peace and harmony. Don't tell me you never fantasized about that? Some young sucker's always gonna fall for it.

Duncan: Richie has.

Methos: Voilà.

Duncan: He thinks the guy's some kind of prophet.

Methos: Well, who's to say he isn't?

Duncan: You are! This guy's a fraud.

Methos: Look, there are enough people out there who want my head for who I am. Now I say, if he wants to play Methos, let him.

Duncan: Even if it gets him killed?

Methos: Yeah. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. [mutters] Look at these boots. Look at the craftsmanship. I only put a thousand miles on them.

Duncan: You're going to convince Richie that this guy is a fake.

Methos: What makes you think he will believe me?

Duncan: Because you are going to be very sincere.

Methos: I left Katmandu for this?

[At Joe's bar.]

Richie: I mean, this has got to be some kind of joke. Joe, help me out here. I mean, 5000 years of wisdom — him?

Joe: Well, I don't know about wisdom, but 5000 — that's about right.

Duncan: I know it's a little hard to believe, but what you see is what you get. [apologetically] This is the real Methos.

[Methos gives Richie a winning look.]

Richie: You guys don't understand what I'm saying. It's not the name that I care about. I mean, this Methos, that Methos. It's the message I believe in.

Duncan: Richie, the message is wrong, and it's gonna get you killed. You just met this guy. What he's saying goes totally against everything that we know. Why would you want to believe?

Richie: Because he offered me his life. Now why would he do that?

Duncan: Because he's afraid to fight you.

Methos: Or because he knew you wouldn't take it.

Richie: Oh yeah, right.

Methos: There's one born every minute.

Richie: Okay, fine. Whatever. I mean, I am talking about peace, fellas. I'm talking about a chance to end the killing forever. You know something, of all people, I thought you would understand. [Leaves.]

Joe: He's young, all right? Young people, they make mistakes.

Methos: Yeah, look at disco.

Duncan: [sighs] I gotta get going. I've got someone to find. [Leaves.]

Joe: I'm gonna go check on this other Methos. Maybe I'll turn something up.

[Joe leaves. Methos looks around the empty bar.]

Methos: Maybe I'll go and buy some socks.

[Fake Methos' residence?]

Methos: Methos, I presume.

Fake: So they tell me.

Methos: You know, it's interesting. I was always told that you were a myth. And yet you look very, very real. Tell me, is it true that you were a friend of Socrates?

Fake: Oh, I've had many friends.

Methos: And, um, I've always wondered — Cleopatra, what was she really like?

Fake: She was a woman. She loved. She lived. She died.

Methos: Yeah, and speaking of death [takes out sword], you seem very vulnerable.

Fake: We're all vulnerable.

Methos: Yes, but you a little more than me, I think. I mean, a lot of people might want the head of a 5000-year-old man.

Fake: A lot of people might want to listen to a 5000-year-old man.

Methos: Oh, is that true? You've lived for centuries. After all, you must have learnt a lot. Knowledge, wisdom, that sort of thing?

Fake: Truth is, my belief is very simple.

Methos: Yes, I heard about your beliefs. Do you really think there's no such thing as evil?

Fake: Only fear.

Methos: So what? Genghis Khan and Hitler were just children playing up?

Fake: They were men, driven by fear to commit evil acts.

Methos: And if their mothers had loved them truly, it would have been a different world.

Fake: Can you say it wouldn't?

Methos: What about the Game? Do you really think we can end the Game?

Fake: I think it's worth trying.

Methos: Even if it costs you your head?

Fake: Can anyone live for 5000 years and say they did nothing, risked nothing, merely stayed alive? It'd be pointless.

Methos: Some might think that that experience is worth saving.

Fake: I'm not one of them — but we can talk about it.

Methos: No, I've got a prior engagement, I'm afraid.

Fake: I didn't catch your name.

Methos: No, that's right, you didn't.

[At Joe's bar.]

Methos: A little pep talk, a little pop psychology — the guy is either delusional, or he is a fraud. And you are buying it.

Duncan: I'm not buying anything.

Methos: No? One speech from the wise one and you forgive Culbraith. I mean, what's next? Friendship rings? The Love Boat?

Duncan: I haven't forgiven him. He just made me think.

Methos: Ooooo. I'm just saying, don't think too much 'cause we can't afford another one on the list.

Duncan: What list?

Methos: Ask Joe.

Joe: I did some checking on this Methos flake — the other one. Anyway, there's a trail of dead Immortals behind him.

Duncan: He's killing them off.

Joe: No, he's just suckering 'em in, and then the Immortal lays down his sword and the next Immortal doesn't.

Methos: Meanwhile, our gentle friend moves on, spreading the word.

Duncan: Well, I'm not a convert. I don't intend to be.

Joe: What about Richie?

[At the dojo.]

Methos: So Richie is his newest disciple. Isn't that cute?

Joe: Oh, and I suppose you would know just what to do?

Methos: Oh yeah. Standard response to unforseen dilemmas perfected over many centuries.

Duncan: What?

Methos: Nothing.

Joe: You know, I think I like the other Methos better.

Methos: You asked... I think maybe I'll just go look at the grafitti in the men's room.

Joe: Is it just me or is this guy [louder so Methos can't help but hear on his way out] really being a jerk?

[Still at the dojo. Methos returns.]

Methos: Okay, there's this Spanish guy, Alejandro Diego Spinoza. One day he gets called in by the Inquisition for questioning. Red hot pincers, tongs, usual drill. Now, all he has to do is say "no." A very simple word. They take his home, his money, his land, but he will not give in.

Joe: And so what happened?

Methos: He died screaming in agony — but he kept his integrity.

[Duncan stands.]

Duncan: Someone save my seat. Let yourselves out.

Joe: [to Methos after Duncan's gone] You are one calculating son of a bitch.

[At Duncan's loft.]

Richie: You know, I don't even know what his real name was. I mean, I know he wasn't the real Methos. Maybe he wasn't right either, but he was a good man.

Methos: [groaning] Listen, I'm sorry I disappointed you, kid.

Richie: That's okay.

Methos: [Gets up to leave.] Later.

Richie: Old timer, you got any words of wisdom for me?

Methos: Nope.

Yak butter does play hell with the digestion. There's an actual Tibetan custom of placing a lump of yak butter in tea. It's not only considered a delicacy, but it's very practical for a cold climate where both heat and fat are needed. However, it's apparently utterly repulsive to Western palettes and has been described as tasting rancid with an unforgettable odor.